Seeking Help
Sandhya, my part-time cleaning maid, who was working for me from last two years has gone to her village in Nepal. Chhavi, my other part time maid who helps in kitchen and few other jobs in my house, is expecting. So, I can’t ask her for more help.
I was in dire need of a cleaning maid. So, I visited one of my neighbour’s (Mr. Ashar Kaleem) place, specifically to meet his wife (Mrs. Zahida Parveen). His wife has been a one point contact in the building, messiah for every young couple in helping out with maids. So, she immediately suggested a maid, who is on a look-out for work. But she had not stored the maid’s number in her phone, instead had written on a newspaper. After some searching in her house, she found out that newspaper.
Man of the House Arrives
And then, Mr. Kaleem arrived. Seeing my son with me, he started talking to him happily.
From one question leading to another, he asked me, what I am doing these days. I told him, I write and work for women empowerment.
To my response, he said, why women at all need empowerment? They get everything and are so demanding already.
Clearing my throat, I said, ‘Uncle, Women are treated so unfairly in many spheres. It happens mainly because she is unaware of her rights, strengths and lacks confidence to voice unfair treatment meted out to her.’
He very subtly dismissed my point by saying, ’Beta, it is all crap.’ 90% of the women are themselves responsible for this chaos these days. They just don’t want to do any work. They want maids for everything. They pressurize their husband. If maids are needed for house jobs, then man should marry a maid instead.
I tried hiding my utter discomfort caused due to his judgemental volley of words. I again attempted to keep the conversation light, ‘Uncle, many are not so privileged like your wife.’
The Otherside of Mr. Kaleem
Mr. Kaleem is a retired, well respected, honest man, who always has stories to tell about his sincerity and hard work during his employment years. He and his wife always have been an extremely helping elders to all the youngsters in the building.
I tried making my mind focus on his positives and feel that I have not heard him saying anything about female’s role in a family.
He subtly kept saying, it is women only responsible for their woes today. Parents do not pamper them a lot, but girls build castles in air about married life. So when these girls get married, they do not find any difference between their own parent’s house and their husband’s house. Therefore, their mountain of expectations crash, and they cause mental agony to husband on every possible occasion.
He did not stop at that. He elaborated by giving an example of a girl married in US, who complained that his in-laws and husband treated her like a maid. House work is wife’s work, what else these girls have to do – cook and serve food; clean the house/dishes/clothes.
Now, my mind started feeling like molten lava bubbling with heat and ready to ooze out from any fissure or crevice. And my phone started ringing. It halted my stream of thoughts, which could have led to an ugly turn to my relationship with them. I reminded myself, I have come to his wife asking for help.
The Other Half of Mr Kaleem
Mrs. Zahida, a tall, fair woman with curly hair and sparkling eyes. Her keen interest in everyone’s story, whether happy or sad, non-judgmental persona wins instant approval of any person meeting her. A mother of two happily married and career-wise successful sons speaks volumes about parenting, mindfulness and ability to handle such highly opinionated spouse.
The Victory, which Matters
It bought smile to my face as despite his such rigid belief, his wife manages to hire domestic help. And I could view her empowered side and victory there. It relaxed my hyper nerves and I walked out after eating fruit cake and tea with a smile.
The real empowerment lies in informed decisions consolidated with actions.
And I learnt one important lesson for life.