Break I- Phase
Ever since, I got married 7 years back, I always exercised my freedom to work or not work. I took almost 6-7 months of career break when I got married. This freedom to take/make my decisions was definitely acknowledged by me happily in contrast to the shock factor it created in my fellow colleagues mind. Many were getting married around the same time. And they had so many said n unsaid apprehensions of not getting job again. Therefore, they just took 10 – 15 days break. And this thing shocked me- how can one treat such once in lifetime event so casually. Anyway, it was purely my perspective.
Deciding to start the family after three years was also a consensus between me n my husband. We both had different reasons for taking this decision. My husband wanted to soak in the married life. And I wanted to do the same, but also to use my acquired skills appropriately. Like any other Indian middle class set up, we too had immense pressure to start our family.Thankfully, again I was able to breathe as per my choice.
Break II- Phase
Then came my pregnancy phase, and again that time, quite a few colleagues were expecting. And I decided to continue working throughout the term to share upcoming financial responsibility. I did face mental stress all through, at my workplace. My working environment really suffocated me to breathe. Somehow, I sailed through with the help from many other quarters. And I had decided somewhere, that I will take a long break after my child is born. I absolutely loved the idea of being a mother and wanted to enjoy my child’s milestones. Somehow, me and my husband without actually talking about this issue, happily agreed that I will take a break.
Though again, both of us had different reasons, for me not going back to work.
And, then I valued my freedom to make decisions, like never before. Every other day, innumerable articles on internet, blogs, social and family discussions about working vs stay-at-home mother across different platforms, really made me ponder about the freedom to make my own decisions.
Transition Phase
Then, came many phases and situations during my initial period of motherhood, wherein I too felt very low, unacknowledged, taken for granted and worthless. Not just because some one was not validating my efforts. But more because I was feeling that my acquired skills, knowledge and energy levels over a period of time may not fade, but I may lose confidence to use them optimally. I felt the urgent need to at least air them once in a while, if not completely in a go.
Exploratory Phase
The options I found after some research, were not really encouraging or satisfying as per my skills. And also were not worth the efforts they demanded. Working from home really did not excite me for long periods. I felt the need to meet people, contribute meaningfully somewhere, and value in eyes of people for my contribution. And also a sense to be financially independent.
When I looked around, corporate or organizations value and pay on the basis of demonstrated abilities rather than in-hand skills. Flexibility, training for such employees and value addition to abridge need-skills-gap were/are just non-existent. Resultingly, due to limited choices available in the market, scores of females after their break. They have to opt and compete on terms and conditions which have been basically designed for males ‘only’. To me, it looked like a situation, in which fish, horse, monkey, elephant and squirrel are asked to stand in a line and have to run a race. So, whoever manages to reach the finishing line is taken into account.
No one takes into account their individual strengths and medium for them to excel. And very hazy corporate policies to bring back the talent with respect.
And that creates a challenge and need for females to wear many hats, without compromising on any front. In this whole chaos of balancing her house, family, work place responsibilities and effort to air their skills from time to time, many invisible problems crop up initially, which may take an unpleasant (not necessarily) shape. And acknowledgment of these invisible problems like health issues, mental stress, suffocating environment at home and with family, ‘generally’ demands sacrifice from female. Many are able to cope with such challenges and many just give up.
The Action Stroke
Reasons for giving up for many, can be many. But primarily sensitivity of the environment/ecosystem comprising of family members, kind of work place and role she is playing there. It affects her grit and determination to take up work or leave her work.
P.S. – I am on a self-exploration journey, which I feel is lifelong.