If I ask you, how a child is conceived? Your answer would be automatically – due to the union of a male and a female, whom we refer as husband and wife. Okay, now, how a child is born? You will say, with the help and under the supervision of doctors, and nurses. And lastly, if I ask you – how a child is raised. You will pause and will look for a politically correct answer. And most probably one may answer – with the joint effort of mother, father, extended family, and helpers.
But, you know, its the mother who wears many many hats, without any acknowledgement.
How? Lets assess each one’s role-
Father
In 90% of the cases, role of father is limited to being a provider of financial resources. And that too these days is changing, with the increasing numbers of working mothers.
Extended Family
A big ‘Yes’ !t They do play a very crucial role. Their mere presence as supervisors (apart from ushering their love and being a beautiful company to children) to helpers in the house, is noteworthy. Especially, mother can make a comeback to her work comparatively easily, if either of the grandparents or aunts or uncles stay together or stay nearby.
Helpers/ Maids
Their role is also very important as they ease down the household work load of the mothers considerably. But their trust worthiness, quality of work, and especially handling of kids is definitely dependent on person to person. Family can not afford to let their guards off with them around or should not let them go unsupervised.
Day Cares
Their advent has been a boom to families, especially mothers. They can leave their child in safe, and professionally trained hands for quite a part of the day, while keeping a virtual eye on their kids activities- thanks to technology. In metro cities, especially in India, day cares definitely will be the prime reason for many urban middle class mothers to get back to work, if any survey being done diligently.
Work Environment
Even if she manages to get back to work, she is expected to compete with male counterparts, who have been working uninterrupted all the while. And if she demands flexibility, either she has to accept lower roles or lesser pay packet. She is made to feel that organization has done big favor by granting her paid maternity break (3 Months in case of private organizations and 6 months upto 2 years of paid child care leave) and allowing her to continue her work.
Axe Actually Falls On The Mother
All the while, we kept on discussing about easing down the responsibility share of mothers, which in a way sums beautifully, yet realistically that its the ultimate responsibility of the mothers to raise kids, with lots of unacknowledged ‘compromises’ (Yes, you read it right compromises, not adjustments) to her being on many fronts. Role of every supporting link has to be either paid or handled ‘with’ diligence and due acknowledgement. But a female has to wear so many hats ‘without’ due acknowledgment of her interest, priorities and acquired skills (either through education or work experience).
In most of the case, from an in-charge of her own life, she all of a sudden becomes dependent on supporting links. Father’s career generally takes an uninterrupted flight, especially during this period. And people give credit to child’s luck and his sincerity and hard work.
Very few acknowledge, female of the house, now a mother takes a back seat to ensure his smooth movement from letting him travel anywhere, anytime and for any duration, without worrying about child’s changing needs with its growing age.
A female undergoes physical, social, mental sea change with motherhood. But very little respect, attention, acknowledgment and attention she gets in return, to play her new multiple roles. She anyways works, difference is that she does not get paid. And biggest irony is, when she brings a pay packet, then only she is considered as a ‘Working Mother’.
P.S. I was asked to get back to work ‘immediately’ after my maternity break by my organization. And with special mention of the fact that I have to travel across the cities a lot, in addition to the KRA’s I had as an employee, before going on maternity break. And during my whole term of pregnancy, my then boss (she herself, was a mother of 10 yr old child) not just made me feel, but openly harassed me for asking for flexibility in working hours as I had a very complicated pregnancy. Though senior management was quite considerate for my situation.