The Haste
In January 2022- in its first week I had some urgent work in Delhi, which made me cut short my trip by a day in Dehradun. I decided to take train back to Delhi NCR to do this urgent work, leaving behind my family including my 3 year old then baby girl to join me a day later in Gurgaon as per the initial plan.
In the wintery afternoon of Dehradun, the day light starts fading vey early on. I quickly checked for a train ticket to Delhi. Luckily, I got a 2nd AC compartment ticket in a train considering the logistics to travel back to Delhi from there at such short notice. I jumped in excitement.
At 10:50 pm, I boarded the train for Delhi. Once my husband started to leave the train cmpartment n I behind, I heard a voice from behind. I turned to see and hear that a girl opposite to my opposite seat in the train compartment has been requested by a group of youngsters to switch seats, so that whole group of friends (6-7) can be together for the entire journey.
My husband n I said quick good byes to each other without making an eye contact and not making this girl shifting her seat issue a big deal to worry.
The Horror
I quickly scanned 4-5 chaps, who looked possibly young, unshaven for days, out of college, 20-25yrs aged max, or working, and their clothes and bags looked not-so-impressionably branded.
They were all loud n screaming to cut the cake of a friend’s bday in an hour. It was a premium red velvet cake from possibly a 5-star property, at least it looked from its premium packaging. My mind raced that no such property is there in Dehradun or even nearby town, as per my knowledge.
So, it gave me the first subtle hint of their privileged background.
Killer Instinct
My mind started recalling all the instances, specifically the bad ones when I was alone in any train journey in past. And to be honest, ‘Nirbhaya Case’ kept creating a red line in my head space.
Exactly a decade back in the December of 2012, had travelled to Dehradun from New Delhi along with my then new born son along with an under 20 yrs of age young helper. I had followed the Nirbhaya case horrors in the cold nights of Dehradun when my son kept me awake.
With the traumatizing trip into my past, my mind was making – coupled with nauseating self-talk, I faked a phone call – and just made a loud noise to hush everyone as if I have actually received a call.
Pure instincts to establish my presence, it could have gone otherwise as well as my mind was also throwing an option to simply hibernate and not get noticed by them at all. But that was just not possible for a 65+ kgs human being to become invisible, just like that.
Once these folks cut the cake, I got up and checked the whole train compartment, just that one girl was now on the other end to mine.
In next few minutes, TT turned up to check the tickets, I murmured my Muslim name carefully to ensure it is not heard by anyone except the concerned official. I thought to ask him or check his sheet of seat allotment that how many women might board from the next station. Voice hardly came out of my mouth and the quick thought surfaced that it will make me feel weak in front of these lads, ‘So, Rukhsar, just stay firm. At least, act so’.
My ears were glued to their conversation. And in a split second, I put my phone camera On carefully and made a small video to record their voices and few pictures – just God forbid anything happens (I should have a record of their identities). So, in my overthinking and hyper mental mode, I am seeing myself sharing this video too as e an evidence. Gosh!
Once the TT left, I simply addressed them ‘Kids, you seem to be coming back from a trip.’ Quite a few nodded high energy, ‘Yes’, few puzzled at my question and few simply ignored. One of them told me they are coming from Kedarnath.
I promptly questioned, ‘Barf dekhne?’
One of them answered, ‘Ji, Snowfall dekhne’ with a wide glee. Another point noted.
Going Deep
And they were constantly talking about sharing pictures with each other. And all of them were pronouncing ‘snapes’, instead of snaps n pictures. Wow, another point registered.
Still my mind was on a defensive mode, I texted to my safe group of people to draw energy in the moment. In this moment, safe group wasn’t my own blood family – their curiosity (read anxiety) would have made me dead, even before dying, if I am fated to die today. It is a group of some special women in my life.
With the responses from this safe group of women, my mind started easing out n defenses lowering. And I straightened my excessively ached body after the whole day of running to do the the last moment local winter shopping from Dehradun and handling my about-to-break nerves.
Aunty Arrives
Hardly an hour had passed, I heard a loud noise, which made me realize that I had even slept – damn.
I removed the shawl from my face and this time I thundered, ‘Who is listening to music in such loud volume?’ to establish authority.
One bearded chap opposite to my seat got up in haste to answer, ‘Hain Ji, ringtone hai Aunty.’
Woooh, I got the signal, they consider me elderly enough to even attempt any nuisance.😂😂😂
In all of this, they were not even aware of how their mere presence was unsettling & triggering me. 🤔
My legs felt straightened, heart beat melting into a rhythm of softly flowing water n this time the mind slipping into sleep mode knowingly.
At 12:30pm, I felt the jerky train halt n too many lights of some station piercing in to my eyes.
‘Shukr, Haridwar agaya’, I sighed with relief.
In few seconds only, whole compartment got filled with a family group with lots of elderly men and few middle aged women like me too☺️.
Still on the guard, I decided to put my phone on charging and watch Season 5 of Money Heist on Netflix to stay awake.
Finally, when the train was about to reach Delhi in the wee hours, it was still very dark in the sky. I opted for the railway waiting room till the proper daylight in that relentless January cold day appeared.
Scene in the waiting room is another story for another day, maybe.
Landing in the waiting room, I informed in my safe group of Jugnoos that I ‘feel’ safe now. 🤛🤛🤛
#WomenTravelDiaries
#NorthIndianRailways
#IndianRailways
#NorthIndiaStillUnsafeForWomen
#TravelingAlone
#HowSafeAreWomen
#WhoSaysMen&WomenAreEqual_inIndia
#IndiaHasToGoMilesAndMiles
#MenHaveToDoAlotToMakeWomenSafe
#MajorityHasToProtectAndCareForMinority
#PrivilegedHaveToThinkForUnprivileged
P.S. I have travelled during my college in absolutely reckless ways on low budget So, I know a little enough to protect myself.
Leave a Reply